Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Is that rhetorical?

Due to some sort of alarm clock malfunction, I was awake from 3:15-5:30 thinking about this post. Also, my house may be haunted.

So one question us singles get a lot is "Why are you single?" It is usually from strangers (my family doesn't ask since they know I am always single and probably think I have a secret lesbian lover or something - I don't!) and they seem to think this is a choice or a disease. I mean, do I ask you why you are ugly? Also, if I knew the magic answer, this wouldn't be an issue.

I mean, knowing what I know now, I might have made some different choices:

  • Not wasted years of my life on someone who was never going to commit (we accept the love we think we deserve, right?
    Taken that "Ring by Spring" mantra to heart while in college
  • Tried to seduce more coeds at frat house basement parties.... everyone is more interesting when drunk, in the dark.
  • Gotten a boob job instead of grad school

But alas, here were are. Anyway, who would choose to be alone? I mean, it isn't like I like taking out the trash or going to weddings without a date or spending Valentine's day EVERY year eating chocolate, in sweat pants while watching Law & Order reruns. Come on, people!

So I have devised a list of obnoxious responses that I may start using:
I am waiting for Gabriel to visit me and don't want to mess that up.

  • I am looking to become part of a polygamist family and not everyone is down with that.
  • I have leprosy.
  • I am devoting my time to my cat rescue program.
  • I would prefer to die alone, with aforementioned cats.
  • I am really holding out to marry a Centaur.

But in reality, it comes down to the fact that I haven't found the right guy. And no, I am not too picky for hoping for an educated, employed, semi-handy guy who is not a complete shit show.

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