Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Some people count sheep, I formulate blog topics...

I slept like crap last night... it was probably a result of falling asleep on the couch at 8pm and waking up at midnight with all the lights and tv on. It required way too much activity to stumble into bed and re-fall asleep. SO, I think of blog topics.

About 3am I started to think about why I would make an awesome girlfriend/wife. I mean, I am light years away from perfect but I have some good things going:

  • I like beer. Think about it guys, beer is portable and so much less fussy than having to mix martinis in a canoe or at a tailgate!

  • I can cook... for real. Guys LOVE food! (confession: I cannot make eggs though. I mean, I will eat my eggs but wouldn't subject others to them)

  • I like sports! No more of that whiny bitch on the couch on Sundays who is like "why are their costumes blue?" or "what is a field goal?" or "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" No, I will be there swearing (with beer in hand) right along with you! Hell, I will watch sports when you aren't home.. willingly!

  • I will never drag a guy to the mall. I HATE the mall. Also, you don't need to go grocery shopping with me. I prefer to go alone.

  • I can be extremely thoughtful. Never had an Easter Basket? You are getting one! Have a thing for thigh highs... wait, mom reads this. Sick? I can make chicken noodle soup!

  • I am easily entertained. Seriously, I am an only child. I can sit alone for hours or sit with someone else without talking for a REALLY long time. I also always carry a book for instant entertainment.

  • I am low maintanence and easily adaptable. What? We need to be downtown at a fancy party in 45 minutes? I can shower and shave in less than 10! I have a party dress ready! I wear makeup everyday!

  • I am funny. You are reading this blog, right!

  • I have my own life and friends. You want to go to the bar with your friends? Great! I would like some alone time. As long as you don't come home smelling like strippers, we don't have a problem! You didn't call me to say goodnight? GOOD, THAT IS CREEPY!

  • I am not needy. Now, some may say I am too independent but that comes from having NO ONE ELSE AROUND TO DO SHIT. I know how to check my oil or balance my checkbook, I can drag the damn Christmas tree up 2 flights of stairs alone and I have no qualms with going places by myself. I will not need to call you 4 times a day. However, I would gladly let someone help or ride along but if not, hey it's cool. I got this.

  • I have a weird assortment of random knowledge in my head. I also rock at music lyrics spanning about 4 decades. I am a wealth of knowledge for crossword puzzle doing and trivia teams.

Now these may not be things that society seems to portray as the keys to finding love but I am not about to adopt most of those such as acting dumber (why do guys like that?!), using baby talk (puke!), losing 50 lbs (eh, just delaying the inevitable look), taking up golf (still up in the air), switching to drinking martinis or wearing more eye liner. If you're looking for a cheerleader, keep looking.

Boob job is still on the wish list though.


  1. My favorite post so far! If only I was a lesbian...

  2. If I wasn't married ... and if you and I weren't cousins ... and if you were not a Red Wings fan ... I would say you were the perfect woman.

    I was up at 3:30 this morning thinking of blog topics. Sadly, I didn't come up with anything as good as yours.

  3. Thanks, Eric. My Red Wings fanhood could be swayed but the other two are kind of non-negotiable.

  4. Alright after reading this I thought of something...because of course I see all these great qualities of yours and share a few of the same ones. I'm thinking you have to FAKE it to reel him in. I know it's not your style but here's what I'm thinking. Perhaps a guy dreams of all your qualities but wants them exposed one at a time simply because he WILL NOT believe that a woman as FANtastic as you truly exists. I know you aren't looking for advice 'cause God and I know "those" types. :-) Enjoying your blog!

  5. yeah but having a guy to do shit for you is awesome. MK