Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Date #36 - the last straw!

This weekend I ate at PF Changs. I’m a fan of the restaurant because they have a great gluten-free menu, which makes it easy for me to order a meal without having to play 20 questions or involve half of the kitchen staff in my food preparation.

While I was enjoying my Chang’s Spicy Chicken on Sunday, I was reminded of eharmony date #36. This date had been the last straw for me and my adventures in internet dating. In Jimmy’s defense, my tolerance for bad dates had been worn down. Just two days prior date #35 had told me in the middle of dinner that onions give him gas.

Here is what went down on that fateful date #36…

Jimmy - “It seems like we have a lot in common… would you like to get together for a drink?”
Sarah - “Sure – that sounds great! What is your schedule like next week?”
Jimmy - “I work every night until 9:00 but could meet up after that.”
Sarah - Good God. I’m not exactly at my prime after 9:00pm. “Any chance you are free for lunch?”
Jimmy - “I could do Tuesday; say 12:00/12:30.”
Sarah - “Why don’t we meet at PF Changs at 12:30?”
Jimmy - “Sure. But was does “pf” stand for?”
Sarah – Seriously?! Do you leave the house? “’PF Changs’ is the name of the restaurant. I have no idea what the ‘PF’ actually stands for.”
Jimmy – no response

Tuesday, 12:30pm, PF Changs:
The server came to the table. She was the frantic middle-aged type that had children too early in life. She felt the need to drop random information about herself including that fact that her daughter is engaged and planning her own wedding in Rochester. Also went on a rant about not being needed to help with the planning. I thought, “Please make it stop.”

Thankfully the server moved on from her personal life and went onto explain the three bottles and three sauce bowls sitting on the table and how to construct your own sauce for the rice. Then she proceeded to take our orders. Jimmy asked for extra sauce for his rice. The server and I stare at him like he has the cartoon head of a jackass. We were both wondering what in the world was wrong with the SIX sauces she had just brought out. I order the extra-spicy beef, because in my mind, this date was already finished.

Unfortunately for me, the encounter lasted another sixty minutes. Damn that slow waitress.

We had been eating for about five minutes when….
Jimmy – “Whoa there! I don’t know how to use those things,” he says, pointing to my chopsticks. “Good thing they didn’t give me any.”
Sarah – “Actually, they did. They are rolled up in your napkin with the rest of your silverware.” I point to the silverware roll sitting, untouched, next to his plate.
Jimmy – “I thought this spoon was kind of big.” He refers to the extra large serving spoon which he has just pulled out of his mouth. He did not spoon his chicken dish over the rice like a normal person, but rather was eating large spoon fulls of the chicken with the enormous serving spoon.
Sarah - I think, "God, am I being punished for something?"

I tried to salvage what I could of lunch. On his profile, Jimmy had said he liked to travel. I love travel. My brother and I are in a race to see who can get to all of the continents first. I asked Jimmy about his travel and favorite destinations. It turned out that Jimmy mistook “enjoying travel” for “enjoying THE IDEA of travel.” He had never actually left the state of Minnesota.

The bill finally came. Not only did Jimmy neglect to pay for my portion of lunch (which I think is appropriate for a first date), but he did not even fully pay for his portion. It seemed Jimmy also liked THE IDEA of math but never actually learned it.

As we parted, Jimmy authoritatively stated that he thought we had grounds for a relationship and that we should move forward and get together again. I opted for spinsterhood.


  1. I LOVE this story! I might construct a picture in Microsoft paint to portray the giant spoon in his mouth.

  2. Awesome story- I was laughing my butt off. Useless knowledge- PF stands for Paul Fleming. Don't ask me why I know that. - Marla

  3. omg sarah i'm dy-ing. i laughed out loud at every paragraph. except, who's aaron?

  4. Hilarious...only funny because it wasn't me.