I'd rather be drinking

My mom sent me this article. Now, I don't watch much RR (because, unfortunately, I have a day job) but it has some useful points (that I will mock and dispel for the sake of blogging).

http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/show/segments/view/your-dating-profile-keeping-you-single/

Now, using my own NEW AND IMPROVED Match.com profile for reference, let's dissect.
- Do not use the words "fun and interesting" Ok, no problem. I do not particularly find myself fun and/or interesting and no one wants a conceited girlfriend :)
- Put interesting points front and center - I bullet pointed them. Cannot be easier to read than that!
- Get the conversation going - See bullets highlighted above. Acceptable topics could include beer, sports, family, bargains, whatever. I am not that picky. Please do not mention your mom, ex or make any sexual references in the first email.
- Spellcheck - This might be my biggest hurdle with online dating... if you cannot form a sentence, use text speak or don't spell common English words correctly, I am not likely to reply. this Iz Hard 2 red (see what I mean!) Shallow, I know.
- Choose Photos - I think I have a good variety of photos - a variety of seasons, casual and wedding dress, the token outdoor photo taken at a National Forest... I mean, I guess I could get one of me with a golf club to seal the deal...

Ok, kids, that is all for now!

Ramblings

I have nothing new to report. I didn't meet my soulmate at Opening Day (always next year!) I mean, if I had a soulmate, he would definately be drinking at 9am on a work day to celebrate the beginning of the Tiger's season. I will accept nothing less! I did manage to come home with a free t-shirt and a "this will now be made into a to-go cup of water" glass that I walked out of the bar with. In other news, I have "Let's Get Married" by Jagged Edge in my head. Why do I know this song is by Jagged Edge you might ask? Well, because my college roommate and I have a special affinity for it and have been known to sing every word. LOUDLY.

Unsolicited Advice

No one at my new job knows I am hopelessly single so I haven't gotten any random dating advice (yet) but that hasn't always been the case. Below I will showcase some of the "winners":

Big Red: "You like baseball, what about Comerica Park?"
Me: "What about Comerica Park?!"
Big Red: "Well, there are probably a lot of guys there, you could hang out down there"
Me (in my head): So you want me to just drive downtown on game days and HANG OUT by the ball park? That is the dumbest idea ever. I mean, I am not selling peanuts or homeless... would I just wander around trying to make eye contact with dudes?! It isn't like I can afford to get INTO the park weekly. No, I am good

"Have you tried online dating?!" (refer back to multiple posts on this unhelpful line)

Coworker: "I don't know any single guys except my husband's friend. He is a nice guy but drinks too much."
Me (in my head): a) Your husband is 60+ and I don't have a daddy complex. b) why would him being single overshadow the implied alcoholism. Again, not helpful.

"Well, I met my husband when I wasn't looking" Yes, I know this is the ideal situation. I am trying my best not to "be looking" but sometimes desperation takes over... and I still get no results.

Again, Have you tried online dating?! Seriously people, this isn't the Holy Grail of not being single.

"You need to out yourself out there more" You need to shut the hell up.

The thing about advice is that you, generally, do not give it unless asked. But, it makes for good blogging so I guess you can keep em coming.