Monday, March 7, 2011

Bad Date Monday

I thought it might be fun to do a weekly bad date series. Although Sarah has many more horror stories than I do... I have a few "when friend/family set ups go wrong!" tales.

Ok, here is a scenario from last winter:
My mom met this guy at a funeral (his parents and my parents have mutual friends). She gives him my number and then came down for dinner the following Friday night to break the news. So, we are at dinner and I get a call from an unknown number, which I ignore. It is this kid calling to see if I want to hang out sometime. I text back re: I can't talk now.

So a few days later, he has called and text me a few too many times.. dude, I have a life and am busy. So we finally talk on the phone on a Sunday.. for 30 minutes. Now, you may know that I HATE talking on the phone if I am not in the mood for it and/or if you are a stranger but we agree to go out the next weekend. He then asks what I am doing that week... once again, dude, I have a life and am not available.

So, the next Friday comes (we have a date Saturday) and he calls to see if I am available to "hang out" that night. I TOLD YOU NO... you have your time tomorrow!

So Saturday rolls around and I can already tell this will be a shit show. We had plans to see a local improv show and grab some dinner. Here are the "highlights"
  • He calls like 20 mins before he is supposed to be at my house and says he has not left work yet. GREAT.
  • Now I have not eaten and we don't have time to do that before the show. Fatty needs food!
  • He shows up at my house and is wearing a gold chain necklace. Oh God.
  • We get to the improv show and I immediately head for the bar. He says he doesn't drink much and then asks what I am ordering (a local microbrew) and then orders a PBR. Not a good sign. He did not buy them.
  • We go to our seats and they are next to each other with a small table in between. I see him out of my peripheral vision staring at me... the.entire.time. Creepy!
  • We make it through the show (hilarious) and I suggest a local lebanese place. We get there and a waiter who I know from going there regularly says hi to me. He gets SUPER WEIRD. "Oh, random men are saying hi to you" Hey, doucher, this is my neighborhood.. and it isn't like we were going to go make out in the bathroom.
  • We have NOTHING to talk about. NOTHING.
  • He keeps talking about future things like "we should go to Florida sometime" Um, I don't know you! We are strangers!
  • Did I mention that I am sober because I felt weird drinking around Captain No-drinks?
  • Oh, did I also mention that despite not drinking, a lot of his stories (to woo me, obviously) involved crazy things he has done while drunk. I mean, don't get me wrong, I started Naked Parties in college but I am not bragging about it ON A DATE! (God, I miss college)
  • So, we finish dinner and I have to take him back to my house so he can get his car. HE FOLLOWS ME UPSTAIRS and that weird "don't try to make out with me" mantra is running through my head for 20 mins before he finally leaves because I am yawning.

So, needless to say, it was not a love match. The old "single + single = perfect" equation that marrieds always use does not work.

Ok, this sounds bitchy. I am sure he is a great, nice guy but he was just too possessive and we had nothing in common. Stay Golden, Ponyboy.


  1. Wow. Really? Kudos to you for trying. I think if my mom (or your mom) tried to set me up I'd run really fast the other way. Maybe change my phone number.

  2. Yeah, I should have known it was a bad idea when she said "I met a guy... he is tall" and that was it.