Just checking in, still single!

 I went on one date a few weekends ago with a really hot, tall guy.  We had a good time watching the Tigers game and drinking beer... and the night ended with a (weird) closed mouth kiss (what is the point?!) but I knew I wasn't his type.  He likes working out everyday and I am just not there yet. 

Match this time around seems to suck more... and/or I have lost my zest for life in general.  A few "winners" are still on there from the last time I was a member... 8 months ago... and the rest seem to be illiterate or really into looking at themselves in the mirror.  Blech.  Why did I decide the 6 month plan was a good one (stupid discount!)?!  

Also, this guy emailed me with a lame "Hey, we were supposed to get together a few months ago (uh, 8 or so).  Things with work are less hectic, would love to hang out)"   I am sure you would, asshat!  I don't know what you do for work that would keep you from emailing/texting/calling me at any point the day of our date to say you weren't showing up OR in the time since then to apologize  Unless you are literally Christ himself or maybe President Obama, you aren't that busy at work. 

Maybe I should change my body type back to "About Average" from "A few extra pounds" (morbidly obese and disgusting was not an option)... I mean, the guys lie about their amount of hair or height so we would all be picking our battles. 

Anyway, I will be in Colorado Saturday-Thursday (the best part about having a real, corporate-type job is PTO!) so maybe I will meet my soul mate there. 

The perfect (shit)storm.

Oh, blog, how I have missed you!  You see, life in a relationship was too mundane and boring to blog about.  No one wants to hear about dates at Olive Garden because someone had a gift card or my constant annoyance at someone's habit of getting out of the shower dripping wet and then drying off (after my floor and rugs are soaked).  BUT, that is behind us now.  You see, I am back on the singles circuit!

How did that happen, you ask?  Well, after a nice gesture followed by not thinking things through (sewage+mop+put back in my kitchen), I made a bitchy comment.  He packed all his crap and left without so much as a word.  I apologized, he never called back.  SO, in true passive-aggressive ambiguous form, I changed my FB status and called it over. 

Of course, there are things I will miss, but I don't think this would have worked long term.  We have differing opinions on handling money, politics, etc. 

Other things I learned:

• I don't EVER want to watch cspan or Meet the Press or Chris Matthews again.  I will take CBS Sunday Morning, Good Morning America and Teen Mom anyday!
• Brunch at Fishbones is delicious

 Things I am left with:

• A Yoda bobblehead.  Do I mail that back?!  
• My fattest self ever.  This one is a real "get back into the dating scene" confidence boost!  
• Having to pay for movies again.  THAT sucks.   

So, how long do I have to wait to re-up my match.com membership?  Yeah, I said 12 days also.  Time is a-wastin!  

It's Official!

For those of you who are not my Facebook friend, D and I are officially "In a Relationship."  Somehow society now deems FB status as the highest form of commitment so we got that out of the way.  Phew!  Things are good... exceptionally good.  A few things to be worked out but it will be ok.

Because I like lists (and people have short attention spans), 5 things I learned last weekend/this week:

1. If left alone in my apartment while I am at work, D will clean the apartment... like vacuum and scrub the shower clean.  KEEPER.  
2. If left alone in the shower, he will also use my "fun girly products" like body scrub from Bath & Body Works.  "Don't worry, it smells kind of manly"  
3. I won points for willingly seeing a war movie. 
4. I apparently missed some memo on having to see Bruce Campbell movies.  The Evil Dead is on Netflix streaming so now my life is complete. 
5. Someone telling you they are in love with you is f'ing fantastic.  I had forgotten.  

I could use a nap

I had my first ever Martin Luther King, Jr. Day off yesterday and it was awesome.  We thought about doing something, err, commemorative like going to the Charles H. Wright Museum but then laziness set in.  My big accomplishment of the day was turning in my cable box with a "corrupted hard drive" for a new one.  Now, I just need to remember the day and time of all the shows I DVR and reset them up.

D and I had another good weekend.  He brought me flowers... and I discovered that I own NO vases.  I mean, it just seems more loserish to have vases just sitting around when you haven't received flowers in 10 years.  I used a mason jar.  The possibilities for Mason Jars are truly astounding.  We also had Ethiopian food, which is intense and messy (and delicious).

Saturday we went downtown for a friend's 30th birthday booze fest.  I picked my outfit based on wanting to wear certain heels so we were overdressed but that is fine.  The plan was to pre-party in the hotel suite, dinner in the building, people mover to Greek Town.

Highlights:  Seeing the riverfront and Windsor from the 68th floor of the Ren Cen is badass.   It was 10 couples at the party and it was nice to be a part of one, for once!  Made some new friends. 

Lowlights:  I could have done with better food and drinks for $90 at Andiamo but, alas, it was a fun dinner.  I lost $20 in less than 5 minutes by thinking a nickel slot was a penny slot... and betting 40 lines.  FML. The strip club charges ladies to get in so the idea was nixed.  (why do I think a strip club would be fun, you ask?!  NO IDEA)

Hilarious-ights:
Scene: We are on the People Mover and it is packed due to the Auto Show, Wings Game and other downtown awesomeness.  We notice a small child sitting alone.  As most of us are horrible people, we figured there was a logical explanation and disregard (seriously, I lack a mothering gene).  Well, D decides that he should sit down and talk to said child to see if he can help in some way.  Here is the conversation:
D: "Hey little boy, are you riding alone?"   "err... little girl"
Child: "I'm 24, going on 25 asshole"
D (to the group):  "Holy shit, did you guys know that was a midget?!"  (we did not!)

Top 5 things I learned this weekend:

1. Invest in ear plugs so both of us can sleep.  I mean, err, he sleeps on the couch. 
2. He is allergic to cats... and didn't mention it.  That seems like something to mention when I have a cat who happens to LOVE sitting on your lap or sleeping on pillows.  I also have Claritan. 
3. Someone who was a short order cook at Denny's can make a mean "Moons Over My Hammy" replica sandwich.  
4. He wants to name a son after himself (carry on a family name).  I, politely, "labor trumped" that. 
5. New eyeglasses are hot. 

Over and out. 


 

Flying Blind

As a sidenote, apparently some may not know what DTR means (from my previous post) but it stands for the "define the relationship" talk (not something dirty, CPD!).  And no, we have not had one yet. 

I met D three weeks ago last Friday and we have spent two full weekends together... and I am not ready to punch him.  This might turn into an actual, adult relationship! We have also jet packed past the point of trying to impress each other as evidenced by me wearing gym shorts, a giant old hoody and slipper boots all day on Sunday.  If you know me, you know I don't wear shorts! 

We went to dinner on Friday, slept in, had breakfast, napped, watched bad tv like Intervention and Hoarders, watched the Lions game, watched the entire first season of Spartucus on Netflix, did laundry... truly, laziest weekend ever.

Five things of note I discovered this weekend:

1. Never play the "have you ever" question game sober.  Or maybe just never ask questions you don't want to know the answer to... it will only confirm how much of a fail your dating life has been.
2. He can cook breakfast things really well.  That bodes well since eggs are one of my cooking weaknesses. 
3. I am overly neurotic about squeezing the toothpaste tube at the top.  (If you squeeze from the middle, it takes that much longer the next time!)  Also, we need to work on this putting the toilet seat down thing. 
4. If you are watching the Lions playoff game as the avenue for meeting someone's parents, it isn't so bad.  If you watch the Lions lose with a U of M fan, they will take it really hard.  They are not used to heartbreak like MSU fans are... 
5. Apparently I have a very adult life because I have food in my fridge, kitchen gadgets and clean towels.  Win? 

So, anyway, I am just flying by the seat of my pants here.  He is on an out of town work assignment for the next 6-8 weeks so I have my weekdays to be productive and such.  

WTF

So, the dude who stood me up last month (after having talked for weeks) winked at me on Match.com.  You're shitting me, right?  Do you really not remember that YOU HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER!  What is wrong with people?!  I mean, I know I am a catch and I can see why you would want to get to know me but you had your shot. 

Happy Friday!

Trial by Fire

Holy shit, it is 2012!  This year, I traveled to Union Pier, MI for the 3 day drinking binge with college friends.  There are occasionally some other activities in there like eating, napping and trips to the liquor store and casino... but mostly it is an annual tradition to see who has the worst singing voice at Rock Band or who can pass out last... In my case, I also faced the prospect of being the only single person there and that was TOO MUCH (yes, being previously married still counts in my head as not being single).  So, I did what any (il)logical girl would do who had been on two dates with someone: drunkenly texted "you should drive out here!" before passing out.

So, imagine my surprise when I finally got my ass out of bed at 2pm and had a response of "what's the address?  I will see you in a few hours" Holy crap, Batman!  So, after a short consultation with the college roommie concluded with "I think you should," it was game on.  I mean, this could either go really well or horribly bad but we might as well see sooner than later - get all the awkward stuff out of the way when an abundance of booze provides a buffer: meeting the friends, seeing me in fat pants for 2 days, finding out that I drool and can never seem to wash my mascara off BEFORE bed, the usual.

 So, I think it went well. I had a good time, he seemed to, everyone was nice.  He even wanted to hang out at my house on Monday, so that is a good sign. (truth be told though, I NEEDED some alone time on Sunday night - I don't know how married people do it.)

So, what's next, you ask?!  I have no idea!  Have some fun, have a DTR at some point, go from there.